Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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