The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
