i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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