Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
