I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
