Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
