No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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