Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize