i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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