Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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