Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
