SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
