Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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