Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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