I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
