you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize