why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
