the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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