Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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