Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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