We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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