Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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