I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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