The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
