4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
