Tell her she can't have a vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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