If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
