My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
