I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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