Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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