You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize