this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
