im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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