Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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