All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Panties = found
Randomize
