just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
