She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
