hotel room ftw
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
