its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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