White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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