So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
