you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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