I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize