So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
