your thong is hanging out like whoa
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
