I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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