I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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