Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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