There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize