i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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