he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
