you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize