Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
