I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
