I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
