I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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