in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
