remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
