Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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