She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think people are normalizing furries
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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