Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
