SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
