I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your penis caused this!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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