Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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