Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
