I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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