dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
