We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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