Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
