I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
