Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
