I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
