if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize