so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
