You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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